Crash Into Me
by Oliviet
Summary: "Hi, this is Dr. Asher calling from Mount Sinai Hospital on behalf of Katherine Beckett. There's been an accident." Set during season 4 by request. A look at what would have happened if Castle and Beckett had decided to start their relationship earlier in season 4.
1. Chapter 1

"Dad, quit cheating!" Alexis grumbles as her hands fumble over the buttons on the controller.

"How am I cheating? It's not my fault I'm good at this game," Castle says.

He cheers as he laps her just as his phone starts ringing.

"You should probably get that," Alexis says, eyeing the small screen.

"Not till I win. Besides, it's probably just Beckett about a murder. She can wait."

"The caller ID doesn't say Beckett."

Castle finishes his final lap with a victorious fist pump and answers his cell on the last ring.

"Richard Castle."

"Hi, this is Dr. Asher calling from Mount Sinai Hospital on behalf of Katherine Beckett. There's been an accident."

* * *

His heart is in his throat the whole ride to the hospital. He'd been too flustered to wait for the car service so he flagged down the first cab he saw. All he can think about is the last time he saw her in the hospital, pale and fragile just after she'd been shot. This time wasn't anything like the last; she had crashed her motorcycle.

His mind whirs with the horror stories he's heard about bike accidents: broken bones, paralysis, brain damage, comas where people never wake up. He can't lose her, especially not now when they're so close to finally being more than partners. He's felt it the last couple of weeks, her pull towards him being stronger than ever. He prays that she had been wearing her helmet.

Castle sprints into the hospital, skidding to a stop in front of the information desk.

"Beckett," he says, breathing hard. "I'm looking for Kate Beckett. Or um Katherine."

The woman at the desk types at her computer and then looks up at him. "Room 407."

He thanks her and then sets off to find Beckett's room. His heart is pounding in his ears as he gets closer. 405. 406. He pauses when he gets to 407 and tries to mentally prepare himself for the worst.

Castle takes a deep breath and steps into the room. She's sitting up in the bed, her hair disheveled, scratches on her face, her left arm in a cast and sling. But other than that she looks fine, nothing like the awful horror stories floating around in his head.

"Hey," she says softly when she sees him.

"Hey," he returns, pulling up a chair to her bedside. "What happened? Are you okay?"

She waves her left arm around. "This is the worst of it. Some jackass cut me off and I swerved, ending up in a ditch. My bike's totaled, but I'll be fine."

"And I'm your emergency contact?" he asks with a smirk.

Beckett shrugs, wincing when she moves her shoulder the wrong way. "Dad's out of town."

"So naturally I was the next best person to call. Not Lanie or Espo or Ryan, but me."

"Well yeah," she says, scraping her right hand through her tangled hair. "You're my partner."

He nods. "Ah I see."

"Should I not have listed you?"

"No, no. It's fine that you did. I kind of like it actually. Although I would have preferred that they let me know that you weren't brain dead when they told me you had been in a motorcycle accident. I had horror stories swimming around in my head."

"They didn't tell you?"

Castle shakes his head. "They probably would have if I had asked. I was a little too panicked and hung up and hailed the nearest taxi." He laughs at himself, looking up at her. "Quite honestly, I wasn't sure if I could handle what I was going to find when I got here. I can't see you like last year again, with the life leaving your eyes…it hurts too much."

Her hand brushes against his, eventually lacing her fingers through his. She gives him a weak smile.

"I'm sorry to scare you like that."

He smiles back, squeezing her hand. "I'm just glad that you're okay. Well, mostly okay. When do you get to leave?"

"Tomorrow. They want to keep me overnight to make sure that I don't have a concussion."

"I'll keep you company until they kick me out," he offers, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Thanks," she says, giving him a soft smile.

He nods, not stopping the movement of his thumb. Beckett clears her throat and holds up their clasped hands at eye level, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I – sorry," Castle says, starting to untangle his hand from hers.

But she stops him with a shake of her head, pulling his hand back and bringing her arm back down to the bed.

"Castle, there's uh, there's something I've been meaning to tell you," she starts, averting her gaze to the hospital blanket.

"That you like holding my hand?" he asks with a grin.

She smiles back, letting her thumb trace over his hand. "I lied – I've been lying to you."

His face goes pale. "Oh god. How bad is it? Did they tell you you'd never walk again? Do I need to hire a top notch neurosurgeon?"

"No, Castle, no it's not about the accident. It's about when I was shot."

He looks confused now, not entirely sure where she's going with this. What is there to lie about regarding that? Unless –

"You heard me, didn't you?"

Beckett nods, still avoiding his eyes.

"Why would you lie about that? I've asked you about it numerous times –"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Sorry that you lied? Or sorry that you don't love me back?"

She chews on her lower lip. "I needed time, Castle. For all I know, you only said it because you thought I was going to die and you wouldn't have to face the aftermath."

"I said it because I meant it."

"I know that now –"

"And how much time did you need?" he asks, cutting her off. "Wasn't the three months where you completely cut me out enough for you?"

Beckett finally shifts her gaze back over to him. "I just needed to be sure."

"Of what?"

"Of you…of me. Castle, I – I want to give this a shot. I don't want to die without ever having known what it's like."

"What what's like?" he asks, cautiously.

"Being with you."

Castle sighs, "Kate –"

"I know the timing is bad. But the more of these…near death experiences I have, the more I realize how you were right. I do waste my time in nowhere relationships with men I don't love. I do it because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Of losing someone else that I love. But I've come to realize that if I don't stop lying to you and maybe even to myself, that I'm going to lose you. And that is the farthest thing from what I want."

He stands, and for a brief second, Beckett thinks he's going to walk out on her. But instead he tangles one of his hands in her hair and leans down to kiss her, being careful of the cut on her lip. He pulls away and rests his forehead against hers, again being careful of the cuts.

"I don't think Gates is going to like it," he tells her.

"Who says we have to tell her?"

"She won't notice the sexual tension just _radiating _between us?"

Beckett laughs. "Pretty sure that's been there."

Castle laughs too and sits back down in the chair. "So we're doing this? We're dating?"

She smiles. "Yeah, I guess we are. I hope it's not rushing things, but I made you my emergency contact."

"Eh, it's only fair. I have already seen you naked."

She glares at him. "What? When?"

"When your apartment blew up," he winces.

"You told me you didn't see anything!"

Castle shrugs. "I lied."

Beckett rolls hers eyes. "You're unbelievable."

"Hey, you're the one who made me your emergency contact before we've even been dating a full 24 hours. You're not going to be one of those clingy girlfriend types are you?"

"Do I strike you as clingy?"

He scrunches his eyebrows together, like he's pretending to think about it. "No."

She rolls her eyes again. "I really am sorry that it took me so long to get here, to be ready for this."

"I'm just glad that you did. But I'm still a little irked that you lied for so long."

She gives him a soft smile. "I'll make it up to you."

"Katherine Beckett, is that sexual innuendo I detect?"

"It wasn't." She quirks an eyebrow at him. "But it can be, if you'd like it to."

A devilish grin spreads across his face. "Oh this is going to be fun."

Beckett laughs, wincing a little when she jostles her left shoulder too much.

"We still have a lot to talk about, you know, before we're fully in this," Castle says, squeezing her right hand again.

She nods. "I know."

"But for now, let's just worry about getting you out of here in one piece, deal?"

"Deal."


	2. Chapter 2

"Thanks for the lift," Beckett says as Castle's car service pulls up in front of her apartment.

"No problem," Castle says, stepping out of the vehicle and extending his hand to her to help her out of the car. "Guess I'm going to have to be the one getting us to crime scenes for a while."

"Gates will probably just stick me with Ryan or Espo until my arm heals."

"But that means I'll have to work with the other one," he pouts. "I don't need Raley and Ochoa background like I need Nikki."

"Castle, this hasn't been about those books in years and you know it."

He reaches out and squeezes her right hand.

"And besides we're not changing partners," Beckett adds. "I just can't drive myself to crime scenes with this sling."

"Which is why I offered –"

He's cut off by the insistent honking of a car horn. They apparently want the spot Castle's car is parked in.

"Why don't you come up for a while?" Beckett asks.

Castle nods and tells his driver he can leave. He follows Beckett up to her apartment and over to her couch once they're inside.

"Good thing you're right-handed, huh?" he laughs as he watches her struggle to get her coat off her right arm without jostling her left. "Do you want some help?"

"I've got it," she tells him, wincing when she moves her left shoulder wrong.

"I helped you put it on, why won't you let me help you take it off?"

"Because I need to learn to do it myself," she protests. "You're not going to be here every day to dress and undress me."

"I could be. I mean like I told you yesterday, I _have_ seen you naked."

She groans, finally managing to get her jacket off and throwing it haphazardly onto a chair. "Now that's a score I think we need to settle. Take your pants off."

Castle smirks at her. "All in good time, my dear Beckett. Why don't we wait until you're off the painkillers?"

She sighs and plops down on the couch next to him.

"You're no fun," Beckett pouts.

"Oh I'm plenty of fun. And if you hadn't just gotten into a motorcycle accident, I would show you exactly how much fun I can be."

She grumbles something about the jackass who cut her off and Castle can't help but laugh at her.

"Trust me, Beckett. It'll be worth the wait."

"You're awfully cocky."

He leans over to whisper in her ear. "I have good reason to be."

It sends a shiver down her spine and she looks over at him with hooded eyes.

"FYI, I have good reason to be cocky too," Beckett says.

Castle visibly swallows and this time it's her turn to laugh.

"Okay so you said we had some things to talk about," she starts. "Let's talk about them, so the fun part can begin. Why don't you go first?"

"All right. So uh, if we're going to do this, be in a relationship that is, the lying has to stop," he says.

Beckett nods. "I know. I'm sorry, I just –"

"I uh, I actually wasn't talking about you."

She raises an eyebrow at him.

"I mean yeah, you lying about knowing how I felt was pretty shitty, but this is a two way street here. And I haven't been completely honest with you either."

"You and Gina are still married?" she asks, with a smirk.

"No, no it's nothing like that," he almost laughs, but stops, thinking again about how much she's not going to like this. "It's umm, this guy – I don't know who he is – he came to see me, or maybe he just called the first time, but anyway he told me that I had to keep you away from your mother's case, to protect you. So I've been working on it for a couple months now –"

"Who's the guy?"

"I told you, I don't know."

"So describe him to me."

"I can't. Either we've spoken on the phone or he's been a dark shadow in a parking garage."

"Someone is out there trying to keep me away from investigating my mother's murder, a case that has become mine ever since it got me shot, and you never thought to tell me about it? Castle, this man could be involved. He could be the one calling all the shots and he just wants me to stop digging so I don't uncover his identity."

"No, listen to me. He's on our side."

"How do you know that? How do you even know that you can trust this guy?"

"Beckett, just listen –"

"And you've been working on the case behind my back? Why would you do that?"

"Because I love you!"

She stills, staring at him. She hasn't heard him say it since she was on the verge of consciousness in that cemetery. She hasn't heard him utter those words and _know_ that he means them. It's enough to take her breath away.

"Kate, all I was doing was trying to protect you. I'm not going to let you kill yourself because of this case. It's a suicide mission. Someone out there wants you dead and they're not going to stop until they succeed as long as you keep digging. That's why I started digging for you. To get you the answers you need, without losing you."

She shakes her head. "You shouldn't have done that."

"I was just trying to help –"

"No, Castle, you don't get it. If they find out that you've been digging, you're just as dead as I am. You have a daughter. I would never forgive myself if you get taken from her because of all of this."

"I was careful."

"Yeah? You sure about that? I thought I was too, but I have this to prove me wrong."

She pulls down the neckline of her shirt, revealing her scar. By now tears have welled up in her eyes, and threaten to spill over the edge as Castle reaches out to trace the raised surface on her skin.

"I can't lose you either, Castle. I won't."

He leans forward and kisses the tear off of her cheek before bringing his lips to hers. He kisses her hard, forgetting about the cut on her upper lip. He wants, _needs_, her to know that he's not going anywhere. That she has him, heart and soul. He kisses her until he needs to pull away to breathe, but he keeps his forehead pressed against hers.

"How did you know?" she asks softly, her right hand toying with the collar of his shirt.

"How did I know what?"

"That you loved me."

He smiles. "I don't know. It was, still is, a lot of things. And when you got shot, I just needed you to know. I realized that I couldn't lose you without ever having said it to you, without you ever hearing it."

She nods, pulling her forehead back from his so she can look at him. "I just want you to know that this isn't one of those nowhere relationships. At least, I don't want it to be and I'm pretty sure you don't either."

He kisses her again.

"Castle, what are we going to do about this case?" Beckett asks with a sigh after they break the kiss.

"Ignore it and hope it goes away?" he asks hopefully.

"We do that and all of this was for nothing. I still don't know who it is who's calling all the shots. Who hired a hit on my mother, who hired a hit on me?"

He takes his hand and places it over her scar. "These people are dangerous. They're not the kind of people you just want to blindly chase after."

"I think I'm incapable of letting it go. My whole career as a cop has been dedicated to solving this thing."

Castle drums his fingers against her sternum. "Yeah and what has this dedication gotten you? A handful of dead cops, including Montgomery, and a bullet wound. How much longer are you going to let this thing consume you? How many more lives are you going to watch it claim before you just move on and let it go?"

"This case always crosses our path at the precinct. It's done it for three years now. So what happens when a new lead lands on my desk? I'm supposed to ignore it? Pretend like the answer I've been looking for since I was 19 isn't sitting there right in front of me?"

"I don't know," Castle sighs. "Kate, I know how badly you want answers. But at the same time, I can't just sit back and watch you risk everything for this. Wait until we cross paths with it again, okay that's a start. But when we do, where do you draw the line? I know you and how you operate. You don't back down. It's an impressive quality, but sometimes it's downright stupid. It isn't just you in this anymore. And I know, you have no plans to take me or the boys down with you, but you're crazy if you think any one of us would be okay with just letting you go."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Castle."

"What I want," he starts, taking her hand, "is to be with you. I can't do that if you're dead."

"I want to be with you too," she says softly.

"But?"

"But nothing."

"Beckett –"

"If and when this case crosses our path again, we'll deal with it then. Can't we just be happy for right now?"

He rubs at the back of his neck. "How are we going to deal with it?"

"As we see fit."

"We? As in, I'm a part of the decision process? As in, if it looks to me like you're getting in over your head, you'll listen to me and stop?"

"Yes."

Castle gives her a look like he doesn't quite believe her and squeezes her hand.

"I'm serious," she tries again. "I want you to talk me down from something if I'm being stupid about it. I don't want to lose this before it even begins. But you have to let me make the same decision for you. You're not an actual cop, Castle. You don't have the kind of training we do."

"Okay," he tells her, shaking her hand which he's always holding. "It's a deal. We'll be each other's stupidity checker."

"Okay," Beckett nods. "Good."

Castle pulls her against his side, and her right arm wraps around him. She sinks into him, her head falling onto his shoulder.

"So is your shampoo cherry-scented or something?" he asks. "Because you smell like cherries again."

She laughs. "It's my body wash. Take enough showers here and you can smell like cherries too."

"Only if you'll take these showers with me."

She laughs again. "Oh of course."

He smiles, his hand skimming up and down her outer thigh.

"Hey Beckett?"

"Hmm?"

"We're good, right? This is going to work?"

She shifts her head so her chin is on his shoulder so she can look at him.

"I think that as long as we keep up this whole communicating with each other thing, it will."

"And you promise that you're not going to go off chasing your mother's case without talking to me first?"

She sits up and kisses his cheek. "I promise."

"Good because I do love you, Kate. And the last thing I want is to lose you."

* * *

AN: Yeah this was supposed to just be a one shot, but I decided to continue with it. I have an idea of where I want to take it, but if anyone has suggestions on where they'd like to see this go, I'm open to them. If I like your suggestion I just may go with it. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, friends!


	3. Chapter 3

There's another bomb in the city. She doesn't know how she keeps getting handed these cases. So Castle was able to single-handedly defuse a bomb once, that doesn't make them bomb experts. It doesn't even make Castle NYPD.

She watches him now, pacing back and forth in front of the murder board spinning theory about how they should be looking at the dead bodies for clues. She catches herself staring at the skin of his chest left exposed by the open button of his shirt. It was stupid to decide to start this relationship when she wasn't in the proper condition to…reap its full benefits. But maybe if she was on top –

"Beckett, are you even listening to me?" Castle asks, knocking her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, look to the dead bodies for evidence. I'm sure Lanie is already on it. That's sort of her job."

Esposito nudges Ryan and laughs before they walk off to do whatever part of that conversation she missed.

"You okay?" Castle asks, once they're out of earshot.

"Button up the rest of your shirt. It's distracting," she hisses.

"I never button the top button. It feels like my shirt is choking me when I do."

She glares at him, pretending to shuffle through paperwork on her desk.

"And since when is it," he starts, "oh. Oh I see. You know, Beckett, there are plenty of positions that don't involve putting pressure on your arm."

She draws her tongue out to bite her lower lip. His face is inches away from hers and wow this is not good. They shouldn't be talking about this here; they really shouldn't –

"Detective Beckett," Gates calls.

She spins, nearly hitting Castle in the face with her sling. "Yes, Sir?"

Gates holds up a slip of paper. "New lead for you to track down."

As she moves to take the paper from her boss, she glares at Castle again, wishing she could wipe that smug look off his face.

* * *

She has another suspect in interrogation, fearing that her broken arm makes her look less intimidating. At least the scratches on her face have healed, for the most part. Currently the guy is trying to give her some bullshit about how he doesn't remember anything because he experienced trauma. She's doesn't buy it, refuses to, so she keeps pushing. He keeps giving her the same excuse.

She can't take it anymore; she just _knows_ that he's lying. Her right hand balls into a fist and she gets in his face. "You don't get to use that excuse. I was shot in the chest and I remember every second."

The suspect still refuses to give anything up. Frustrated, Beckett storms out of the interrogation room and finds Castle watching from the other side of the mirror.

"Hey," she greets him, the softness returning to her tone as she scrubs her right hand through her hair.

"You realize that Ryan and Esposito know, don't you?"

Panic flashes across her face. "That we're dating?"

"No, that I confessed my love for you when you got shot."

Confusion replaces the panic. "Okay?"

"I mean you just said in there that you remember every second of it. What if one of them had been watching?"

"Castle, that doesn't really give anything away other than the fact that I've been lying to you, which you already know about."

"Yeah, but I'd have to act like I was hearing it for the first time. Pretend like we haven't talked about it."

She shakes her head. "Our personal lives are none of their business. We don't know everything that goes on between Esposito and Lanie."

Beckett looks around before placing her hand on his shoulder. "Stop worrying, Castle. No one's going to find out."

"It'd be easier if they did, you know. Then I could kiss you anytime I want to."

She rolls her eyes and smiles. "Look, the minute Gates finds out, your time as an NYPD consultant is over. And that leaves me with no partner and you at home alone, being bored all day. This way just works better for everyone right now."

He nods, patting her hand on his shoulder until she takes it off.

"Now, are you still coming over for dinner later?" she asks.

"Depends on what time they let you go home."

She groans looking back through the mirror at their suspect who isn't talking.

"Might have to make it breakfast," she grumbles as she heads back to the interrogation room.

* * *

He makes it over for dinner, a day later than they had originally anticipated. The case had gone long, but they managed to get the guy responsible in custody. Yet another bombing case done and over with.

Beckett finishes loading the dishes into the dishwasher before moving to join Castle in her living room. She sits down on her couch with a heavy sigh, draping her legs over his lap. Castle runs a hand up her leg as she digs her bare feet into the pillow at his side.

"Do you have any regrets, Beckett?" he asks, lazily tracing shapes against her knee.

"Why do you ask?"

"It's just this case. All those people who died in that bomb with so much life left to live. I guess you could argue all of our cases are like that. But it just got me thinking, if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do, what would you regret?"

"They didn't know they were going to die," she tries to argue.

"Humor me."

Beckett hums, pulling her left arm tighter against her body. "I should have told you the truth in the hospital after I was shot. If I was going to die, I'd want more time with you."

"You wouldn't want more time with me if you weren't going to die?" Castle asks, faking being hurt.

"You know what I mean," she rolls her eyes.

His hand trails past her knee, now skimming her lower thigh.

"What about you, Castle? What do you regret?"

"In regards to you?"

His hand moves up higher on her thigh as her hips shift involuntarily closer to his.

"I wish that I had told you how I felt before you got shot. I had a lot of opportunities. I almost did when we were in isolation for potential radiation poisoning and you were bitching about Josh leaving you for Africa. I almost did later that case when we were stuck in that freezer together. I wanted to after we kissed."

"Why didn't you?"

Castle shrugs. "You were with Josh. I didn't really know how you felt about the guy. Maybe you loved him."

"I didn't."

"Yeah I know that now. Which is why I wish I would have said something sooner."

Beckett shifts her weight again, this time moving to straddle his hips. Castle's hands skim up the curve of her ass before settling on her lower back.

"We're together now. That's what matters," she says.

He nods and reaches up to kiss her. She braces herself with her right arm against the back of the couch as their kiss deepens and she starts rocking her hips into his. He trails his lips around the curve of her jaw and down her neck.

"This won't hurt your arm will it?" Castle asks, fumbling with the button on her pants.

"Not if I stay on top."

"Is that how you like it, Beckett?" he asks, nipping at her ear. "To be in control?"

She starts unbuttoning his shirt, running her right hand over the hard planes of his chest. "Not always."

"Interesting," he hums against her skin. "Things to explore once your arm is healed."

Beckett laughs, her right hand curling at the tuft of hair at the nape of his neck. "Oh Castle, if you only knew."

He visibly swallows at that and dips his hands below the waistband of her pants. "I look forward to it."

"As do I," she says, bending to kiss him again. "As do I."

* * *

She can't stop the grin from forming when she sees him arrive at their crime scene the next morning. He hands her her coffee, giving her a knowing glance, before asking about the murder. Ryan explains while she takes a sip from her cup, letting the warm liquid spread through her. Beckett feels an elbow dig into her side and turns to see Lanie smirking at her.

"What?" Beckett asks, wiping at her mouth. "Do I have something on my face?"

"What's gotten into you?" Lanie asks instead, ignoring her question. "You look happier than usual. Or should I ask _who's_ gotten into you?"

Beckett nearly chokes on her coffee. "What? Nothing. No one."

She shakes her head as Lanie raises an eyebrow at her.

"Right, okay," Lanie nods, moving back over to the body. "I won't know for sure until I get him back to the lab, but it looks like our killer tried to kill him by strangulation, but couldn't get the job done that way so he shot him."

"That escalated, quickly," Castle mutters, cringing at the thought.

"Did you find any ID on him?" Beckett asks.

"Just a credit card with a woman's name on it," Lanie responds, handing her the bag of evidence. "Hopefully if you track her down, she'll have some answers for you."

She thanks her and starts to walk back to Esposito's cruiser. Castle sidles up next to her.

"You'll have to ride with Ryan," she tells him. "Unless you want to sit in the back."

"Does the back involve you putting me in handcuffs?" he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

Beckett smacks him in the arm, looking over her shoulder at the others. "Watch it, we're at work. Lanie already thinks I look happier than usual."

"Aw did I bring that out in you?"

"You brought _something_ out in me," she grumbles as the boys head over their way. "Let's go back to the precinct and run the name on this card."

"Do you want Esposito and me to go question her once we find her?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah go ahead," she tells him. "Castle and I will wait to hear back from Lanie."

Castle pulls her aside before they part ways to head back to the precinct.

"You think Lanie's suspicious and yet you want us to go talk to her alone together?" he asks.

"Just act normal. You can do that, can't you?"

He throws her a look and then wanders off after Ryan. This is going to be an interesting couple of months. She figures their big secret can't be kept much longer than that.


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't know about you, but I needed this," Lanie yawns, stretching her arms over her head. "A night in with the two of us and some wine."

Beckett smiles, taking a sip from her glass. "Yeah this is nice and relaxing."

"How's your arm doing?"

"Well I've stopped having to wear the sling which is nice. I have an appointment tomorrow to see if they can take the cast off and replace it with a brace."

"I bet you hope that works out," Lanie laughs.

"Oh more than you know," Beckett laughs with her.

Lanie's expression falls shortly after that and she starts fidgeting with her wine glass. "Listen, Kate, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" she asks, worry lacing her tone.

"I think Castle started seeing someone."

Beckett has to bite down on the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. Of all the horrible things that just ran through her mind about Lanie's supposed bad news, this was certainly not one of them.

"Oh? What makes you think that?"

"I was at The Old Haunt with some friends from the M.E. office and he was there, talking on the phone. I may have accidentally overheard part of his conversation."

Beckett racks her brain trying to remember what conversation she had with him that Lanie could have overheard. "What night was this?"

"Last Thursday."

Thursday? Oh. _Oh. _No wonder she thinks he's seeing someone. Castle had called her up, feeling particularly horny, and proceeded to describe to her all of the things he wanted to do to her later in great detail. She can feel the blush creeping up her neck as she wonders exactly how much of that Lanie heard.

"Well he's an adult," Beckett starts. "He's free to do whatever."

"Really? That's all I'm going to get from you?"

"What do you want?"

"A real reaction! You're crazy about the guy, Kate, everyone can see it. You need to do something before whatever this is he's doing gets too serious and you lose him."

Beckett bites her lower lip at a loss for words. How does she tell her that she already has him? She and Castle had promised to keep this quiet for a while. But can she really sit here and pretend that she doesn't care?

She sighs. "He was talking to me."

"Say what now?"

"Thursday night he was on the phone with me," she says, rubbing at the back of her neck.

"And why the hell was he reciting an erotic novel to you?"

She could lie. Say that it was research for Nikki Heat or something. But honestly she just needs someone to know about them. Someone outside of his family that she can bitch to about him if she ever needs to.

"Because we've been dating ever since I got into the accident," Beckett says in a rush, holding her breath waiting for Lanie's reaction.

Lanie's jaw drops open. "And you never thought to tell me?"

"We're not telling people yet," she starts. "The more people who know, the better chance this has of getting to Gates, and you know she's not going to let Castle stick around if she finds out. Lanie, you have to promise me that you're not going to tell anyone about this. And don't say anything to Castle about it. At least not until I have the chance to tell him that I told you."

Lanie starts to say something when both of their phones start ringing. They exchange a glace and answer them.

"You going to the same place I am?" Lanie asks, once they hang up.

"Hotel over on West Ave?" Beckett asks.

"Good. We can carpool and finish this conversation on the way."

* * *

"You were drooling," Castle grumbles as he flips the lever on the espresso machine in the break room.

"What?" Beckett asks, scrunching her eyebrows together in confusion.

"Mr. Naked Scotland Yard."

She smirks.

"Are you picturing him naked again?" he hisses.

"He's attractive, Castle. Am I not allowed to think that or look at other men now because we're together?"

"Not naked ones," he mutters.

"You're jealous," she laughs. "It's cute."

"I don't want to be cute," he pouts, handing her a coffee mug.

Beckett looks around to make sure the coast is clear before she leans in to whisper in his ear. "It's also turning me on a little."

She laughs again as his eyes widen while she saunters out of the break room.

* * *

"I really hate that guy," Castle tells her, while they're waiting at the doctor's office later that day.

"Castle, give it a rest," she mumbles, flipping through a magazine.

"He keeps flirting with you. And you keep letting him."

"You know what I said earlier, about your jealousy being a turn on? Well it's starting to become a turn off."

"Beckett," he whines.

"I have to let him flirt with me. No one but your family and Lanie knows that we're dating."

"Woah back up, Lanie knows?"

She winces. "She overheard you at The Old Haunt last week. You remember that little conversation we had that was basically phone sex?"

He throws her an apologetic grin. "Whoops. Wait, did I say your name during any of that?"

"If you did, she didn't hear it. She told me that you were seeing someone and told me that I needed to make a move before I lost you," Beckett sighs. "I couldn't keep lying to her. But don't worry, she promised to keep it a secret."

Castle nods, rubbing her knee. "Well you don't need to worry about losing me. Unless this Colin guy gets in the way."

"Castle, I already told you –"

"It doesn't mean you have to act like you like the guy."

"He's attractive," she tries again. "Everyone would get suspicious if I didn't."

"Is he even your type?"

She takes his hand in hers. "_You're _my type."

"Kate Beckett?" the nurse calls out looking around the waiting room with her clipboard.

Beckett squeezes his hand and stands up. "I'll see you in a bit."

* * *

She steps into the bullpen and renders him speechless. She's wearing a long, elegant, strapless, black gown that highlights her cleavage in just the right way. Her hair is twisted into an updo, with little wisps of hair hitting her neck. All he wants to do is sink his teeth into that bare skin until he has her moaning.

"Kate, you look, wow," Castle breathes.

"Thank you," she smiles as he steps closer.

That's when he notices it, the circle of puckered skin between her breasts, the scar from when she was shot. This is the first time he's seen it. Sure, they managed to find a way to have sex with her arm in that sling, but because of it, she had just been leaving her top on. But now the sling and cast are both gone, replaced with a black brace and her scar is in plain sight. He just wants to trace over it with his thumb, and then again with his mouth. He wants to remind himself of what she survived.

Beckett must catch on, noticing where his eyes have fallen.

"Not here," she whispers. "Later."

He nods, wishing so much that he could just reach out and touch her without Ryan and Esposito's knowing glances watching them.

"Ready to go?"

They both turn and find Colin standing behind them in a tux.

"Behave," Castle whispers, moving back to stand with the boys.

She gives him a soft smile and he can tell she wants to touch him too. He figures she's feeling pretty self-conscious about that scar right about now and his staring at it didn't help.

"We'll keep you posted on what we find," she tells them as she turns to leave with Colin.

"She cleans up nice," Esposito whistles once they're out of earshot.

"Yeah," Castle agrees, staring after her. "She does."

* * *

Colin sidles up to her desk and crosses his arms over his chest. "Thanks for your help on this one."

Beckett smiles up at him. "Thanks for yours as well."

"Say, I was thinking, now that this case is over and we're not working together anymore, would you like to come get a drink with me?"

She sees Castle staring at her from behind where Colin is standing.

"I'm sorry, I can't," Beckett tells him. "I'm sort of seeing someone right now."

Colin leans on her desk, getting closer to her. "Well if you're just sort of seeing him, one drink won't hurt."

She looks over at Castle again. "Actually it will. Colin, I think you're a great guy, but I'm taken. And I already have plans to be with him tonight."

He nods, pushing off of her desk. "Should have known someone as pretty as you would be off the market. Can't blame a guy for trying."

After saying goodbye he leaves and Castle takes his spot against her desk.

"You're taken, huh?" he asks with a grin. "Anyone I know?"

Beckett smiles. "I think you'd like him."

"Is that so? Hey, here's a crazy idea, why don't we get out of here?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Beckett settles into the bath in front of him, hanging her left arm out the side of the tub. Castle wraps his arms around her torso, pulling her back against his chest.

"This was an excellent idea," he says into her hair.

"I'm full of them," she grins.

One of his hands snakes upwards and rubs at her scar with his thumb. She stiffens when he first touches it, but she takes a deep breath and gets herself to relax.

"I hate that thing," she mutters as he keeps rubbing at it. "It's just a constant reminder of what I've lost. And of my PTSD."

"I thought you got that under control."

"Most days," she hums.

Castle dips his head to kiss her neck. "Well I like it."

She snorts and he retaliates by splashing her.

"Hey, not necessary," she says, trying to splash him back, but really only managing to splash herself.

He laughs, tightening his grip around her. "I umm, I'm sorry if I overreacted about Colin. I do trust you. I want you to know that."

"If Colin had been a woman I'm sure I would have reacted the same way you did."

He kisses her neck again and she turns her head to capture his lips in hers.

"You know what I think?" he asks, trailing his hand down the plane of her stomach.

"What?"

"When the water starts to cool, we should probably take this into bedroom."

Beckett hums. "Looks like I'm not the only one full of good ideas tonight."

* * *

AN: Reviews welcome!


	5. Chapter 5

Beckett is bent over her desk working on paperwork when Castle slides into his chair next to her desk.

"Miss me so much you came to help me with this paperwork?" she asks, without looking up.

He fidgets next to her and she can tell that something is up, something she's probably not going to like.

"No, I came to ask you about your opinion on Ethan Slaughter."

That gets her to look up. "That asshole who works the gang unit?"

"Glad to know you think so highly of him," he mumbles.

She rolls her eyes shuffling to the next page of her paperwork. "Why do you care about Ethan Slaughter all of sudden?"

"I saw him on TV this morning. Thought about doing some research with him," Castle shrugs, running a hand over her parade of elephants.

Beckett glances in his direction and then back down at her desk. "Nikki going undercover in a gang unit?"

"No, I'm just," he starts, squirming in his seat, "trying on a new partner."

She puts her pen down and gives him her full attention. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Sooner or later people are going to find out about us," he tells her. "There's no guarantee that Gates is going to allow us to continue working together. I have to be ready to move on."

"I don't want a new partner."

He reaches out for her hand but draws back when he remembers Ryan and Esposito are sitting right behind them. "I don't either. You guys are my team, but we may not have a choice. Would you rather have me as your partner or your boyfriend?"

"I'd rather have you as both."

"Beckett –"

"Just go, Castle," she tells him looking back down at her paperwork.

"Beckett it's not like I'm –"

"Don't you have some gang violence to go deal with?"

Castle sighs and stands to leave.

"I'll see you later?" he asks.

She waves him off, not bothering to watch him make his way out.

* * *

"I feel like he's cheating on us," Ryan comments as he watches Castle and Slaughter laugh on the other side of the precinct.

"More like cheating on Beckett," Esposito snorts.

She glares at him. "Can we focus please? We have our own case to worry about."

"You were talking to him earlier," Ryan starts. "Did he tell you why he was doing this?"

"Research," Beckett grumbles, writing a note on the murder board.

"This is really ticking you off, isn't it?" Esposito asks.

"I'm not his keeper," she says, capping the whiteboard marker. "He can do whatever the hell he wants."

"But it's bugging you," Ryan adds. "Seeing him partner up with someone else."

She spins to glare at the both of them. "What's your point?"

Esposito shrugs. "I just think it's interesting."

"Yes, very telling," Ryan says.

Beckett brushes past them, heading to her desk. "Just get back to work."

* * *

"How's your case going?" Castle asks, staring up at her murder board.

"How's yours?" she retorts, walking away from him.

He grabs her arm and pulls her back to him. "Remember what we said about communication?"

"Fine, you want me to communicate? You need to stop. You're going to get yourself killed."

"No, hey I'm fine. Slaughter –"

"Doesn't give a damn about you. He doesn't have your back like I do."

"He's not just going to let me die," Castle tries to tell her. "He would have to deal with the repercussions."

Beckett shakes her head. "Remember that paper you signed when you first started following me around? The NYPD is not liable if anything happens to you._ I_ care if you live or die. Slaughter does not."

"Kate, I'm going to be fine. You worry too much."

She walks away from him again to her desk and comes back holding a file. Beckett hands it to him.

"What's this?" he asks, flipping through it.

"Help with your case. Like I said, I have your back."

"You didn't have to do this."

"Of course I did. That's what partners do."

Castle sighs. "Beckett, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I know."

* * *

She's just about to crawl into bed when she hears the knock on her front door. She pulls her robe tighter around her and grabs her gun before moving to answer it.

"It's been a while since you've greeted me with your gun," Castle says. "I thought we'd moved past this."

She groans and moves aside to let him in. "What are you doing here, Castle?"

"I just wrapped things up with Slaughter. Thought I should stop by and apologize."

Beckett moves to put her gun away and he trails along after her.

"Kate, I don't want to work with anyone else either. If I can't work with you, I'll just…stay home and write or something. I'm only interested in playing cop if you're the one backing me up, er if you're the one I'm backing up?"

She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back against the wall.

"Come on, how long are you going to stay mad at me?" he asks, moving to stand in front of her and placing his hands against the wall on either side of her head.

"As long as I see fit."

"Kate."

His hands fall from the wall and wrap around her hips, pulling her into him. He can feel her trying to resist, but for whatever reason she caves and leans into him.

"Me not wanting you to die is not worrying too much," she says into his shoulder.

Castle's hands move from her hips and press into her back, drawing her even closer. Her hands snake behind him and hold onto his shoulders.

"Well I appreciate that you value my life."

"I don't like the thought of being replaced," she says softly. "As your partner or even, I can't believe I'm saying this, as your muse."

"I'm not going to replace you. I'm going to stay right here until Gates kicks me out."

She looks up at him. "I don't think she's going to kick you out of my apartment."

"Okay smartass," he laughs.

Beckett smirks and rests her head back against his chest.

"Do you know what I think?" Castle starts. "We need to go out on a date. Get out of our apartments and do something besides go to the 12th and crime scenes."

"And that will help me be less mad at you?"

"Aren't you already less mad at me?"

She hums. "Maybe a little."

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't do all of this to upset you, I was trying to help in a way. It just sort of backfired. So let me make it up to you. Let me take you out."

Beckett pulls away to look up at him. "Okay fine. Impress me."

Castle grins. "I will. I'll take you to my favorite place in the city. Do you think your case will wrap by tomorrow?"

"It should. We know who did it. It was just too late to get an arrest warrant tonight, so we'll get him tomorrow."

"Good. Get ready to be amazed."

* * *

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" Beckett asks as she walks hand in hand with Castle down a sidewalk.

He had already taken her to a restaurant that was way more expensive than it needed to be. When she questioned it being his favorite place in the city, he told her that is was just someplace new he'd been meaning to try. His favorite place was some sort of surprise he refused to share the location of. Honestly, she was surprised he didn't have her blind-folded.

"You'll see when we get there. That's the point of a surprise, Beckett."

"Well maybe I don't like surprises."

"Who doesn't like surprises?"

She clucks her tongue. "Lots of people."

"Just not you. I know you, Kate Beckett. Don't forget that."

She sighs, finally giving into the fact that he's not going to tell her. Beckett rubs her thumb over the back of his hand and laughs when it sends a shiver down his spine.

"I bet Slaughter can't make you shiver like that," she teases, still laughing.

"I wouldn't want him to."

"Better stick with me then."

"I already told you that I plan to."

Castle comes to a stop in front of a tall building. There's no sign out front to indicate what it is.

"We're here," he announces, letting go of her hand and spreading his arms wide in a grand gesture.

Beckett looks around, still confused. "Am I supposed to be amazed by this?"

"Well no. We have to go inside."

He takes her hand again and leads her into the building and over to the elevator. The doors open and he hits the button for the top floor. When the doors open again and they step out, it still looks like any regular old building to her.

"Castle –"

"Hold on, we're not there yet."

He guides her down the hall, pushing open the door to the stairwell.

"Go up," he tells her.

"But I thought this was the top floor."

"Trust me."

Beckett pushes past him and climbs the stairs up as he instructed. The stairs end at another door which she pushes open. Castle is right behind her, moving a cinder block to keep the door propped open. She steps out onto the roof of the building and the view nearly takes her breath away. There's a string of twinkle lights hung overhead, but they nearly blend in with the lights of the city all around them.

Castle comes up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. She leans back against him.

"This is my rooftop," he tells her. "I discovered it years it ago with Kyra. It used to be our spot, but I figured it was time I share it with someone else since we've both moved on. We used to come up here on warm summer days and she'd read while I scribbled in a notebook. After she left, I started to come up here just to think. I'd come late at night and lean on the edge and just watch the city below. I spent a lot of time up here last summer."

She twists to kiss his cheek before she wanders away from him to look out over the edge.

"It's beautiful up here."

"I told you, you'd be impressed," Castle says, moving to stand next to her.

Beckett looks over at him and smiles before looking back out at the city.

"God, I love New York," she breathes. "I love being able to look at it like this. To take a step back and not look at it like a cop, to not see all of the crime and the hurt. But just to see it as the amazing city that it is."

Castle drapes an arm across her shoulders and she leans into him.

"Thanks for sharing your rooftop with me, Castle."

"Of course," he says kissing the top of her head. "I knew you were just the type of person who would appreciate it."


	6. Chapter 6

"Beckett, zombies!"

"You're ridiculous."

Castle is overly excited about this case and it just has Beckett rolling her eyes.

"Come on," Castle whines. "Decaying skin? 150-year-old suit? Guy is totally a zombie."

"I'm sure there's a completely reasonable explanation for this, just like there always is whenever your imagination runs away with a case."

"Wait a second –"

"Vampires, cursed mummies, need I go on?"

Esposito laughs as Castle slumps down in his chair. "I still think it's zombies."

* * *

"So I guess it turns out that it wasn't zombies," Castle sighs as Beckett stands over him in his bathroom, helping to take off his zombie makeup.

"True," she says, swiping the wet washcloth over his eyebrows. "But hey at least you got to pretend to be one."

"Yeah that was pretty awesome," he grins. "But I still feel bad for Jennings. He's going to need therapy."

"It helps," Beckett says, still wiping at his face.

His hands snake around her waist, and she stops.

"I didn't know you were still going to that," Castle says, his thumbs hooking into the back of her jeans.

She shrugs, her hands falling to his shoulders. "I don't go as frequently as I used to, but yes, I still do."

"Is this still about your PTSD?"

Beckett nods. "Among other things."

She picks the washcloth back up and lathers it with more soap before continuing to work on the makeup. She can see the question in his eyes, can tell that he wants to ask, but he doesn't want to push. He's trying to respect her boundaries and she appreciates that, but at the same time he's not asking very loudly.

"We talk about my mother's case a lot and my dad…and you."

The corners of his mouth twitch up. "You talk about me? All good things I hope."

She wipes the last of the makeup off his face and moves to rinse the washcloth out in the sink. "Makeup's gone."

Castle sighs, standing up and walking to stand behind her by the sink. He looks into the mirror at their reflections and notices that she's staring at them as well.

"So not all good things then?"

"I had some things I needed to work out."

"Did you get them worked out?"

She spins so she's facing him. "I did."

"Well whatever it is," he starts, drawing her into him. "I'm glad you've had someone to help you through it."

She sinks into his grip, blowing out a breath, and resting her head on his shoulder. "You just wish you could have been that person, don't you? The one to help me through it?"

Castle laughs and she smiles at the way she can feel it being pressed against him.

"Would I have liked to help?" he asks. "Sure. Would I have been that much help? Probably not. I think I'm more of a distraction."

"I like distractions," she says, kissing his neck.

He laughs again, unwrapping himself from around her to take her hand. He leads her out of the bathroom and into his bedroom.

"I can distract you right now if you like," Castle hums, nipping at her ear.

She hums too, letting her eyes fall closed as his lips move down her neck.

"But I don't actually have anything I need to be doing right now. So I'm not sure if it would be considered a distraction."

He backs her up until legs hit the back of the bed.

"Well then I'll guess this will have to be all in the name of pleasure."

* * *

It's been weeks since she's had a nightmare. And even then she had been alone, not sleeping next to Castle. But this time, when the bullet pierces through her chest and her cry rips through her throat, Castle _is_ laying next to her.

Beckett sits bolt upright in his bed, grappling at her chest and trying to control her breathing. She should be used to the nightmares by now, but even after talking with Dr. Burke they haven't gotten any easier. Castle stirs beside her and she curses under her breath, wishing that she hadn't woke him up. This isn't something she wants to talk about right now.

He opens his eyes groggily, staring up at her.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

She sighs, lying back down. "Just a bad dream."

He reaches across her and rubs at her back. "What about?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing."

"Beckett," he clucks his tongue. "Communication."

She rolls so her back is to him. "It was just a dream, Castle. Go back to sleep."

But he doesn't relent. He scoots closer to her, and props himself up on his elbow. He rests his other hand on her side.

"I'm not going to judge you or anything you know?"

"Talking about it means I have to think about it and I'd rather just forget and go back to sleep."

He draws her into his chest and she sighs looking up at him. She runs a hand down the side of his jaw.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" she asks, softly.

She can feel him shrugging against her back.

"I just want to know what makes you tick."

"You already do. The Nikki Heat books show that."

"I think the better question is, why don't you want to tell me?" he asks, lacing his fingers between hers.

"Talking about it makes it real."

"You said it yourself, it's just a dream."

Beckett hums, but she doesn't say anything.

"Look, if you really don't want to talk about it, I won't make you. I'm just trying to play the role of the concerned boyfriend here."

"You die," she says barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"In my dream, you die. You take the bullet for me at Montgomery's funeral. And they couldn't save you. And so I get lost in the case, deeper than I ever have before until I get myself shot. I never know what happens after that, if I live or die, because I wake up. It's always the same dream; there are just a lot of variations of it. But one of us always ends up dead."

"I thought you couldn't die in your own dream," he says, softly.

She shrugs, but doesn't say anything else.

"Kate," he breathes, pressing his nose against the back of her neck.

She closes her eyes willing the tears to stay at bay. He untangles his hand from her own and brings it up to her chest, to trace her scar.

"That's my biggest fear," Beckett confesses. "That I'm going to get you killed someday. And that's why I was so worried about you working with Slaughter last week. I need to protect you. I promised Alexis that I would."

"I thought it was my job to protect you," he says into her hair.

"I'm the cop. I'm the one who carries a gun. I'm the one who puts your life at risk ever since you decided that you were going to use me as inspiration for you next big novel. I won't deny that you have saved my life, but I'm still the one who has to protect you."

He kisses the back of her ear. "I'm not going anywhere, Beckett."

"I'm not either."

She turns in his grasp, burying her face into his chest. He holds her there until she falls back asleep and he drifts off as well.

* * *

When she wakes up, she can smell bacon cooking and something that's either pancakes or waffles. Beckett sits up and stretches, her neck sore from using Castle's chest as a pillow all night.

She shuffles out into the kitchen and finds him hard at work. Waffles, she notices, not pancakes.

"You're up early," she tells him, sliding onto a stool at the kitchen island.

"I got hungry."

Beckett smiles down at the cup of coffee he places in front of her.

"You have today off, don't you?" Castle asks.

She nods. "I'm on call though. If they need me, I have to go in."

She takes a good long sip of her coffee, letting the liquid warm her.

"Do you want to hang out here with me all day?" he asks, placing a plate of food in front of her.

"Beats sitting at home by myself," she smirks.

Castle throws a towel at her and she laughs.

"You don't need to write or anything?" Beckett asks.

"Oh I can do that with you here."

She tosses the towel back at him.

"I can be a bit of a distraction myself," she tells him, recalling their conversation from last night and cutting into a waffle.

"I have noticed that," he smiles.

She smiles back reaching for her coffee again.

"Hey, about last night," he starts.

"Castle –"

"No, I'm sorry if I pushed you to talk about it."

"No, no I should be talking to you about it. You were right, the communication thing –"

"I'm just as scared of losing you. Your shooting impacted me too."

She reaches out and takes his hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of it. "I know. We'll both just have to be careful. No one is losing anyone, anytime soon."

* * *

AN: Hey all, just a head's up. This is my last month of college ever (graduation is so close I can taste it) and things are really about to pick up with papers and tests and none sense. So I may not have another chance to update again until May. But I promise I'm not abandoning this story. I know exactly how I want to finish it and I predict with there will be 2 or 3 more chapters. If things slow down in the next 4 weeks, I will try to get you an update sooner. Have a good week guys!


	7. Chapter 7

"You know, we're going to have the house to ourselves this weekend," Castle hums, as he walks down the alley to find their murder victim with Beckett by his side.

"Oh, I live with you now?" Beckett smirks, pulling on her latex gloves.

"What I meant was, Mother will be gone doing…whatever it is she's doing and Alexis will be away for her graduation retreat…"

"How's her speech coming?"

He shrugs. "She's struggling a bit, but anyway, with everyone gone, I thought you could come over and we could finally have that John Woo marathon we've been talking about as well as another more aerobic type of marathon."

"Castle, I really don't think you're in shape enough to run 27 miles."

He glares at her and she laughs, her whole face lighting up. "Yeah, yeah okay I'll come have sex with you all weekend."

"Offer withdrawn," he huffs, walking in front of her.

She pulls on his shirt to stop him, reaching up to whisper in his ear. "You sure about that?"

"I uh, what? No," Castle stammers.

She laughs again, shaking her head. "So Lanie, what have we got?"

* * *

He watches her pace back and forth in the hallway of the precinct with Esposito and Ryan on either side of him. He wants to reach out and comfort her, but their relationship is still a secret. Maybe now would be a good time to tell them…

"They're connected," she mumbles again for like the fifth time.

"We don't know that," Esposito tries to tell her.

"What other important information would Montgomery have that someone would want to steal?" she asks, continuing to pace.

"He got himself involved into some pretty shady stuff," Ryan says. "We don't know that this file is connected to your mother."

"It has to be," Beckett says under her breath. "_It has to be_."

"Do you really want to get mixed up in all of this again?" Castle asks, cautiously. "Because you got shot the last time –"

"I haven't solved it yet. I still don't know who it is who hired a hit on me or my mother. If Costas is another lead, I have to chase after it."

"Kate, we've talked about this. It's a suicide mission."

The boys exchange a glance at his use of her first name, but Castle ignores them.

"We don't even know what we have here, Castle. There's nothing for me to back down from yet."

"I, uh, I might have something," Ryan interrupts, waving his phone in the air. "The DNA from under Costas' fingernails came back and there was a match to another case in the system."

"Which case?" Beckett asks.

Ryan clears his throat. "Yours."

"What?" she and Castle ask in unison.

"The man who shot Costas is the same man who shot you."

* * *

"You have got to back off. Now."

They're sitting in her apartment and she's poring over her mother's case files, refusing to listen to him.

"Kate, are you even listening to me?" he asks again.

"I'm not backing off, Castle. Not when we're this close."

"You promised me that when this case crossed our path again, if I thought you were getting in over your head, you would back off if I asked you to. Well I'm asking."

"No," she says, flipping over a page in the file. "This man tried to kill me. I'm not going to let him get away with it."

"Well the man I told you about? The one who told me to get you to stop digging? He called me again. He's concerned for your safety and so am I. This guy is dangerous, Kate. Back. Off."

"I know what I'm doing, Castle."

"No. You don't."

He just wants to grab her and shake her to get her to listen. Not in a violent way of course, but she's being so damn frustrating. She has a huge blind spot when it comes to this case and she absolutely refuses to turn around and see it.

"Yes, I do. I can handle my own."

"You keep saying that –"

"Because it's true. I can't just sit back and let this guy get away."

"I'm begging you, don't do this. Don't go after him."

"Why are you so against this? I chase down criminals every day, how is this any different?"

"Why?" he starts, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Do you even realize how hard I have fallen in love with you? How much you mean to me? I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met. And I love you, Kate, and if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all, just don't do this."

Beckett stands up from her chair and moves over to him, cupping his face in her hands.

"I have to do this. And if you care about me at all, you'll let me."

He brings his hands up to hold her wrists, his eyes slipping closed as she strokes his cheeks with her thumbs.

"I can't just sit back and watch you get killed."

"So then come with me. Have my back, just like you always do."

"No, you need to bring the boys. They can shoot a gun, I'm just dead weight."

She places a kiss to his temple. "Do I need to you remind you about how many times you've saved my life?"

"This is different."

"Babe," she starts, not even realizing she was about to call him by a pet name until it's out of her mouth. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not going to get you to stop, am I?"

Beckett shakes her head, standing back away from him.

"I'm not happy about this," Castle says softly.

"I know."

She holds his gaze until her phone rings and Esposito tells her they have eyes on the guy: Cole Maddox. "I love you" is the last thing she tells him before she turns to leave. It's the first time she's ever said it to him, and deep down he fears it's going to be her last.

* * *

He can't focus on Alexis's graduation speech. Something about finding north stars and solid ground and wow did she really just say "always" or was he hearing things? He's sure it's lovely and he'll ask her to read it again to him later because right now he can only focus on the fact that he hasn't heard back from Beckett since she left to go take down Maddox. He's left her three voicemails and several frantic texts, none of which has returned a response. Castle finds himself checking his phone every other minute. If Maddox got to her –

"Richard, is everything all right?" Martha asks in a hushed tone.

"It's Kate. I think she's in trouble."

He glances over at the empty seat next to him; the one she was supposed to be sitting in.

"Oh she probably just got wrapped up at work," Martha says, trying to brush it off as nothing.

"She went after the man who shot her."

Martha reaches out and grabs her son's hand. She starts to say something else, but realizes she has no idea what to say.

* * *

He's a nervous wreck by the time he finally hears a knock at the front door. Martha had offered to stay with him, as had Alexis, but he told them to go ahead and keep their plans. He was going to be fine, and hopefully so would Beckett.

Castle opens the door and she's there staring up at him. She's soaking wet from the storm, but otherwise looks unharmed.

"Thank god," he breathes into her hair as she flings herself into his arms.

She starts crying, her body shaking with the force of her sobs as she clings to him.

"I was so worried," he tells her, his hands fisting at the back of her wet jacket. "I didn't hear from you and I thought the worst. I felt so sick, Kate. Don't ever do anything like that again."

Beckett buries herself deeper into his chest.

"Come on," Castle starts, leading her toward the bedroom. "Let's get you some dry clothes and you can tell me what happened."

She's stolen his clothes enough times by now that she knows exactly where to go to find a pair of his boxers and her favorite sweatshirt of his. Castle goes into the bathroom to get her a towel for her hair while she changes. They crawl into bed together and she clings to him, still shaking from a combination of nerves and the cold rain.

"What happened?" he asks, pulling her against him as tight as he can.

"Ryan wouldn't come with us," she says softly. "He, like you, thought it was too dangerous."

"Smart man."

Beckett coughs and he shifts to get her a blanket. He doesn't want her to catch pneumonia or something.

"Espo and I went after him. Maddox knocked him unconscious and I chased him up to the roof. We fought."

She lifts the hem of the sweatshirt, revealing big purple bruises that are already starting to form. Castle traces a hand over them and she inhales a sharp breath at the contact.

"Please tell me you got that son of a bitch," Castle hisses, hating seeing her hurt like this.

Beckett shakes her head, falling back into his embrace. "He threw me off the edge of the building and he got away."

"He threw you off a building?"

"I caught the edge of it. I don't know how long I was hanging there until Ryan and Gates found me, but I had already lost the grip of one of my hands when they got there."

Castle pulls her hands to his mouth and makes a point to kiss each of her knuckles as she keeps talking.

"Castle, I almost I died. And all I could think about was you. When Ryan got there and I heard his voice calling my name, I thought it was you. He sounded just like you because I couldn't get you out of my head. I couldn't let that 'I love you' be the last thing I ever said to you. I should've listened to you. I'm so sorry."

She starts sobbing again, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

"I'm just glad you're okay," he tells her, tangling his fingers into her wet hair. "I thought I'd lost you again. You've had way too many near death experiences this year. You really need to cut back."

Beckett makes a sound that's a cross between a hiccup and a laugh.

"Espo and I got suspended," she says softly.

"Gates suspended you for almost dying?"

"For not following orders." She tries to snuggle into him more. "It wasn't worth it. Nothing was accomplished by chasing after him. How could I have been so stupid?"

"You're a woman on a mission. You just want answers, and I don't blame for you for that. Your methods of getting these answers however…"

She groans, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders as she starts coughing again.

"But hey if you're suspended, we have plenty of time to train for that marathon."

Beckett looks at him in confusion until she catches onto his innuendo and kisses him.

"I do love you, Castle."

He rests his forehead against hers. "I love you too."

* * *

AN: Hey all! Thank you guys for being patient with me and for all of your congratulatory words! Graduation is tomorrow. It's so crazy, I can't believe it. I think the next chapter might be the last, because I have another Castle fic I really want to start. Hope you all stick around for it!


	8. Chapter 8

Castle had suggested that they spend her suspension up at his house in the Hamptons. Beckett had agreed thinking some time alone with him would do both of them some good. His house was beautiful and she was marveled by it the moment she stepped out of the car. But as he gave her the grand tour, she couldn't help but notice how rehearsed it felt, like he'd given it to dozens of women before.

As they step outside, he seems to pick up on her uneasiness. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I just," she sighs, remembering their promise to communicate. "I can't help wondering how many other girls have gotten this tour."

"Right," Castle sighs. "Well I'm not going to deny that I've brought other women up here. But um," he pauses, reaching out for her hand. "None of them were you."

A smile creeps across her face as she squeezes his hand back. "Clearly, I mean I've never been up here."

He laughs. "Not what I meant, Beckett."

"Then what did you mean?" she asks, even though she already knows the answer. She just wants to hear him say it.

"You're different, Kate. A good different," he corrects quickly. "But you and I…we have something special. You're not like the rest of them. You mean something to me, really mean something. I've loved very few of the women I've brought up here, but I do love you."

Beckett presses herself against him, her arms draping around his neck. Castle's hands fly to her waist, pulling her even closer.

"You mean something to me too," she tells him. "For once, I'm not in a nowhere relationship with a guy I don't love."

"You think we're going somewhere?" he asks, his hands fisting into the back of her shirt.

"Aren't we?"

He nods, bending to kiss her.

"I think we're going to make it," Castle tells her once he pulls away from the kiss. "We have to."

* * *

She can't remember the last time she actually sat around enjoying a warm summer day. She can't even remember the last time she had tan lines. She never takes time off for herself anymore; the job has become her whole life. But she can tell already that being with Castle is going to change that. He brings out a side in her she hasn't seen in a long time. A side of her that may actually end up enjoying this time off brought about by her suspension instead of holing up in her apartment and worrying about it. There is more to life than the job, and she's finally starting to realize that again.

Beckett is just nearly asleep when she feels ice cold water splashing onto her legs and stomach. She yelps and sits up in the lounge chair, glaring at Castle. He laughs and dives back down into the water.

"How are you even swimming in that right now?" she asks once he resurfaces. "That water is freezing."

"Nah, it's not that bad. You just have to get used to it."

She rolls her eyes even though she knows he can't them behind the lenses of her sunglasses.

"Such a child," Beckett murmurs, wiping her legs off with a towel.

"If you think that was childish," Castle starts, pushing himself out of the pool. "You're going to love this."

"Castle," she cautions, as he steps toward her, soaking wet.

The cold water drips from him onto her and she stands up in an attempt to get away. But then he's on her, trying to push her into the pool.

"You're seriously twelve," she laughs, trying to stand her ground.

Beckett may be the one with police training, but Castle's stronger than she is. She's also not trying very hard to resist him. Grinning, she tosses her sunglasses onto the chair and jumps in voluntarily, poking her tongue out at him as she goes. The water is freezing as it wraps itself around her limbs. She pushes herself back to the surface as fast as she can, shivering as she pulls herself up out of the pool.

Castle laughs as he brings her a towel to drape around her shoulders. "Now who's the one who's twelve?"

She sits on the edge of the pool with her feet dangling in the water. Castle joins her.

"See, it wasn't that bad," he tells her.

"Yes, it was," she says, still shivering.

"You jumped all on your own."

"You were trying to push me in," Beckett protests. "I couldn't let you have that victory."

"But it would have been such a sweet victory."

She nudges him with her shoulder. He laughs, moving to stand and offering her his hand.

"Come on, we can go warm up in the hot tub."

She eyes his hand suspiciously, not taking it.

"Beckett, I'm not actually twelve. I won't push you in again."

She stands up without taking his hand.

"Trust issues?" Castle asks, faking being hurt as he leads her to his hot tub.

Her hand snakes down to grab onto his. "Just around water."

He squeezes her hand before letting go to take the cover off the hot tub and turn the jets on.

"Stick your hand in there, see if it's to your liking," Castle says, eyeing the temperature setting.

"Wow that was dirty," Beckett laughs, glancing down at his swim trunks.

"Get your mind out of the gutter and test the water," he says, laughing with her.

She grins, skimming the surface of the tub with her fingers. She nods, allowing him to step into the hot tub first. She snuggles into his side, one of the jets hitting her lower back, and sighs with content. He skims his hand up and down her arm as her head falls onto his shoulder.

"For the record, I find what's down your pants very likable."

Castle laughs and she feels the rumble of his chest against her ear. "And we're back to being twelve."

"Please, like twelve-year-olds are having sex."

"No, they are. There was a girl in Alexis's class who got pregnant in 7th grade. It's terrifying."

She shakes her head, shifting away from him to readjust her hair in her bun. She leans back into him, placing a kiss to the spot where his neck meets his shoulder, before laying her head back down. They sit like that for a moment, in silence besides the whirring sounds of the jets. But then a question pops into her mind, one that's a bit out of left field, but she decides to go ahead and ask anyway.

"Where's the craziest place you've had sex?" Beckett asks, skimming the foam from the top of the water.

"Oh I like this game," Castle grins. "Okay let me think. Well, Gina and I did it in a bathroom once during a meeting for Derek Storm."

"_During _a meeting?"

He shrugs. "She excused herself to go to the bathroom and I followed her. We were still newlyweds."

She shakes her head, her bun tickling his chin.

"What about you?" Castle asks.

Beckett's silent for a moment, thinking. "A Pearl Jam concert."

"Where at?"

"The main floor," she winces.

His eyes widen and he stares down at her.

"I was wearing a very short skirt. The floor was so packed nobody even noticed us."

"You amaze me."

"Rebel Bex at her finest," she groans. "I tried to pick the lock on their tour bus afterwards too so I could steal Eddie Vedder's jean jacket."

"And did you?"

She winces again. "It's still in the back of my closet."

Castle clucks his tongue. "Detective Beckett, you're a dirty thief."

She shrugs. "I've already told you I went through a rebellious phase."

"Yeah and I thought it consisted of buying a motorcycle and getting a tattoo. Not public sex and breaking and entering."

Beckett pinches the bridge of her nose. "I never said I was proud of it."

He laughs, twisting his head to place a kiss to her temple. "We all come with a past, Kate. Don't worry about it."

She shifts out from under his arm, moving to straddle his lap. "What about this hot tub? Ever have sex in here?"

"Well I –"

"On second thought, don't answer that."

She leans in and kisses him, rocking her hips into his. One of his hands press into her lower back as the other tangles into her wet bun.

"You know," Castle starts, as she kisses her way down his neck. "Rebel Bex helped us get together."

"How do you figure that?" she asks against his skin.

"Your bike. Without that accident, who knows how long it would have taken you to tell me the truth about your shooting."

Her lips find his again as his hand on her lower back dips below the hemline of her swim suit.

"I'll be sure to thank her," Beckett says, nipping at his ear. "But right now, let's focus on me."

Castle laughs, untying the top of her bikini. "It would be my pleasure."

* * *

AN: Thanks for reading everyone! Be on the look out for my next multi-chapter summer fic!


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